The Muse

Every artist has a muse. A trigger. A particular something.

This starts a new work of art. A poem. A sculpture. A story...

For me, it is a high state of happiness. Those moments when I am peaceful, happy, content, celebrating, surrounded by my people. That's my muse, that's my high, that is what inspires me to write my best.

I do write when I'm low, but it is a little mediocre, as compared to when my actual triggers are in full DING mode!

Today, my birthday, a peaceful celebration in a long time! I realised a lot of things. Like an epiphany.

I spent my formative years trying to fit in with the rest of the crowd, like most of us do. Eventually, I realised that I'm never gonna fit in. Because I was born unique. I'm not bragging, it isn't something to be proud of initially. It takes a huge amount of strength to accept that you are unique because it isn't always a thing to advertise freely.

So, I made a decision. I'm never gonna fit in. I might as well invest all that energy into standing out. I do that anyway, without trying. Best make that a way of life.

Best decision of my life!

I started creating a niche of my own. Alone but never lonely, and always happy about my unique space in this chaotic world.

Then I started meeting people who would idolize me for what I am. They wanted to "fit-in" into my niche!!

Well, I never created a niche to be a cool gal. I just wanted to forgive myself for being unique and belong in my own world. Who would know, someone would want to be part of this now! Well, this is new.

After spending most of my life feeling rejected by all, now I have a new situation. I am surrounded by people who want to follow in my footsteps. I didn't intend this to happen, but it is my reality now.

It is difficult to accept and handle this new phase where people look up to me, expect guidance, want to follow...

I laugh it off at times. I am amazed mostly. And I am grateful.

I still don't know if I have found the right direction in which to mould my life. But I know that a lot of people respect me for who I am and it matters a lot.

This takes me back to my trigger. The absolute high which starts my philosophical journey in the head.

Epiphany while listening to deep room progressive. New story ideas. New thought processes while having a beautiful intellectual conversation.

That is my muse.

It is like a ski ride. Vast, undulating slopes and mounds of pristine white snow. Free to be written over, with a new thought, verse or story. That is the beauty of White. Shwet.

It is pure and malleable in its own right. It beckons new life and new ideas. White can formulate and invent any new colour. It is just the imagination which is restrictive. No other factor to stop white from being anything.

So I ski on these undulating slopes of snow and ice and white background. Leave a painted background in my wake.

Depression can be all consuming and omnipresent.

But when you can ski in your mind's eye, who can stop you from conquering any form of evil! When you have the power of imagination, what could stop you from painting the sky pink!

I have a Heart that believes in unicorns and happy endings. I have an imagination which paints rainbows on dull, gray skies. I have a Mind which can carry me far away and beyond this mundane, earthly rigmarole.

That is my Muse. Trust the happiness within. Hear the music which isn't played. Dance the steps which nobody follows. Follow a heart which gives a Damn!

There is absolutely no point in chasing happiness. It is not a horizon which can never be reached!

Happiness is a feeling. Deep, deep inside which doesn't require any trigger. Just acknowledge it and you can feel it rising within. It expands the heart, aerates the brain,and doesn't care about anybody's approbation. It just is.

This happiness is my Muse. My imagination. My high.

As long as I accept this, nothing can keep me down for long. It is okay to be dragged down to the deepest depths of depression. What pulls me back up is this belief. In myself.

That is my Muse.