30 January 2016

A Dream that turned to Dew



I originally wrote this on 4th March 2012 and shared it as a Note on Facebook.

Here lay I 
On the verge of Dawn 
At the end of a restless Night 
Thinking thoughts of you...
Through winding lanes and nettles lies 
The path of my life so far 
There's just onward to go 
There's never turning back 
From step to step 
And beat to beat 
From thought to thought ahead 
Ahead the endless march proceeds 
On two lonely feet 
Hither I never hoped ever 
For another to walk by me 
So my nettled path I made so narrow 
Sufficient for me. 
Now when you hold my hand 
And walk in step along 
And smile the smile you know so well 
I just cannot fall back! 
I don't know how to widen this way 
And why don't you mind the thorns that lay 
In this my life's pathway? 
Why do you seem so happy to be 
Just here besides me? 
This journey so far has been so long 
So long weary it was! 
But no companion walked with me 
Who made it quite so far 
Beware beware my friend beware 
This Heart has burnt to ash 
If you seek apple blossoms fair 
Here your hopes will be dashed 
My friend just be by me 
But don't dream any dream 
For dreams are mist 
That turns to dew 
With the dawn's first wish!

19 January 2016

There's a thing called Love

There's a thing called love that we all forget
And it's a wasted love that we all regret
You live your life just once
So don't forget, forget about a thing called LOVE
---- Richard Bedford, Thing Called Love

Love.

What is the very first thing you feel when you read this word?

Take a moment and think.

Once the slideshow of memories and emotions that this word brings, are over, what is left?

Elation. Happiness. Peace.

Or is it regret. Pain. Fear. An intense urge to close this blog and run away to a safe place inside your own mind.

It is said that this is the most powerful emotion. Most powerful weapon, even. True, isn't it? It evokes such varied scales of thoughts in one single person.

Where does it come from? Heart or mind? How can you be sure? Can you ever be?

I find Love very deceiving. What we expect and what it actually does are two different things. It deceives us all at some point. If it isn't present, it makes a person feel empty or incomplete. When it arrives, it is a tornado that uproots everything and leaves devastation in its wake.

Devastation could, at times be a boon. It is a chance to reconstruct and re-evaluate. Make a new life.

Most times though, devastation is pure damage. People move on, but it is never the same again. So, if you want to go away now and read no further, I will understand. Writing this is painful enough.

Maybe, I don't have the capacity to handle this power.

Devious. Deceiving. Alluring. Evasive.
It is all this.

Elation. Hope. Fear. Happiness.
It makes me go through these.

Don't limit it. It can be romantic. Or paternal. Or maternal. Friendly. Pally. Neighbourly.
It could be a teacher. A mentor. A guide. An angel. A devotion. A prayer.
It may instill respect. Faith. Divinity.

It is an entity supremely independent of any shackles. It is free. It is a gypsy. It is heartless.
It affects Mind, Body and, Soul alike.

You can't tame it. You can't own it. You can't understand it. You can't control it.

All we can do. Is feel it.

So, how do you feel about Love?

11 January 2016

The Hamlet inside us all!

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep...
-----William Shakespear's Hamlet


We go for the movies to leave behind our realities and routine for a few hours, laugh with the characters, soar with the camera angles, flow with the music and dream impossible thoughts. But the movie ends, and life catches up. Hunger, thirst, going home, traffic, all of it encompasses our thoughts. The movie then remains just a movie. Liked, disliked, enjoyed, debated, recommended........but always.....just another movie.

Sometimes, one movie, one story, stays with us. This one stayed with me today, walked out of the theater with me, has taken deep roots in my mind.

This movie is Natsamrat. The story of a star on his decline. A celebrated stage actor who bids adieu to the stage to take a quiet retirement. But fate has other plans. Thomas Hardy would recognise this story's mood. His characters, too are mere puppets at the hands of fate.

"A resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far advanced as to make avoidance impossible."
-Thomas Hardy

There are so many ways in which this story touched my Soul. It went deep inside my being and twisted it around. My love of literature, language and drama was pampered by the sheer magnanimity of these characters. But on a deeper and personal level, the story pinched my heart and made it weep.

A person, loved by many for his talent. A celebrity. A notable name - unloved and cast out by his own family.
I know what it is to live like that. I am a common person with no celebrity but I know what it is to be the black sheep and how to learn to be proud of being one.

I know what it is to create family members out of strangers, because the ones given by Lord don't care about you.

"कुणी घर देता का, घर ?"
Nana Patekar delivers this monologue. The angst, fear, pain and tiredness of his character are real. He has reached the end of his tether and is unable to handle any more pain. His world has collapsed, his own people have betrayed him and there is nothing to live for. This is not relegated to mere physical homelessness. We take our existence so much for granted, we don't realise what it is we are living for. We all have our reasons, our families, our people who make a home. If these reasons stop existing one day, we would be homeless too. It doesn't really matter how much money you make, how big your house is and how many people know you. When you are facing the last few moments of your life, who sticks around with you? That is all that matters, eventually.

To be or not to be..... This was Hamlet's monologue. There is a Hamlet inside us all. He questions our existence and our Reason time and time again. In Shakespeare's play, Hamlet is contemplating suicide when he delivers these lines. All that he questions is still relevant today. This is what made Shakespeare immortal. His words, his thoughts and his insight into human psyche. Time has moved on, but human psyche hasn't changed much. We have the same joys, the same fears and the same insecurities even today. Nana Patekar's character has brought to life, many of these classic characters on stage, including Hamlet and King Lear. And they have lived on inside him like ghosts till the end. Constant companions, like a burning talisman, keeping him company when all else is gone.

I don't want this monologue of mine to be a spoiler. And as it is, describing how this movie affected me is not easy. You may not feel the same way. But you won't step out of the theater without being touched. When I entered I was curious. Even though Nana Patekar is a versatile actor in his own right, I knew he had stepped into big shoes with this role. Dr Shreeram Lagoo made Ganpat Belvalkar immortal on stage and recreating that magic on film was not easy, I am sure. Nana Patekar does it with aplomb.

His hospital scene with Vikram Gokhale shows the strong bonds of friendship between their characters. This is a jugalbandi without song or shayari or instruments. The symbolism of their dialogue is genius writing. On the outside, it is a scene out of Mahabharata but delve deeper into the meaning and you will know what made this play so different. After all these decades, this story is still relevant and relate-able. That is the common thread between Hamlet and Natsamrat. Both stories are timeless.

Kusumagraj - V.V Shirwadkar (वि वा शिरवाडकर) wrote the play originally and it has now been made into a film. This itself may have made many people skeptical about watching it. If you have been feeling this way, go ahead and watch it. If you can't go to the theater, buy the DVD when it releases but don't download this one on torrent. This one deserves the amount you will spend on it.

Watch it till the end credits roll, that monologue is not worth missing.



09 January 2016

Night Owls


Nope. They don't do mornings. They are fast asleep in the morning and they wake up sometime in the afternoon and wish everybody around, a "Good Morning."
The BPO and IT sector, night shift jobbers. The night owls!

They are a breed of sleep-deprived, zombie-like creatures. They are extremely polite and well-spoken and diplomacy is their second nature. Most of them get hired mainly for their communication skills! Besides having a broad exposure to technology and international culture, this breed is urbane, smart, confident and self-assured.

When you pass a commercial sector of your city on a post-dinner drive or while returning late from work, you will see them. Outside the gates, hobnobbing over cycle-wale ki chai-biscuit-smoke.

Yeah, the resourceful Indian jugaad brains at work! Don't have enough capital to open a restaurant? Just one bicycle and excellent resources to manage snacks? Phikar nako! Take the chai, kaapi, wada-chutney-tamaatar saas, cigarettes, maachis, lighter and what-not in a biiiig bag. Put it on your bicycle and stand outside the gates of any locality with a large number of BPOs and IT companies. And voila! You have a profit-making business venture which could fund anything from monthly household expenses to funding children's education to buying a house in an impossible city to actually opening your own restaurant!
Well. it's not like these corporate offices don't invest in a simple thing like a cafeteria for their employees. There are mostly multiple cafeterias and pantries within a single organisation. But there is either no space or no permission for a smoke zone and employees walk all the way outside to smoke. At such times, it is quite a blessing for them to find the cycle-wala. At times, the night owls just want to leave their cubicles and desktops and stretch their legs. Get some fresh air and have a small breather. So, there are non-smokers too, in this crowd.

This is like a staple diet. Almost an addiction for some. Tea, coffee, smoking.
Keeping awake for the shift, they are ultimately unable to sleep at night, even on their days off work. And the day off is not necessarily a Saturday and a Sunday. It could be any day. The two work-offs might not be consecutive, it may be a Tuesday and a Friday or a Wednesday and Saturday. "Woohoo! I have a Saturday off next week. I can meet friends and maybe my siblings!" Sounds familiar? Yeah, that is a night owl.

But they have figured out ways to juggle their personal life and their crazy work schedules. Some have office-funded blackberry phones and laptops (they are expected to return these while resigning, by the way). Some rare lucky ones have the option to work from home if they can't come to the office for some reason.
Disclaimer: This doesn't apply to majority BPO employees. If they can't come to work, they get an unplanned leave. Paid. But unplanned. Affects the appraisal, this UNPLANNED! Oh yes, this is a big word.
Imagine the saas-bahu serials with a shocking scene. Someone jerks their head at the camera saying, "Kya!?" and the editor repeats it two more times in the final cut, with every person present in  the scene showing varying degrees of shock on their face. "Kya!? KYAA!!?? KYYAAA!!!??? Music - Dhadang-dhadang-dhadang!!!!!"
That is what an unplanned leave is for a BPO employee. On the day after your unplanned, half of the floor would be asking you, "unplanned maara kya?", "ab kya hoga tera?", "appraisal aa raha hai bey!" It is a paid leave, let me repeat that. But, it is unplanned! Unplanned!! UNPLANNED!!!! Dhadang-dhadang-dhadang!!!!!

Yes, they can plan their leaves, but let's not go there. Officially, these night owls are decently-paid to well-paid staff with all legal privileges (like PLs, Compensatory Offs, Work offs etc). I will leave it at that.

The other major factor in their routine is the one mentioned earlier, the BREAK! Maybe, a novel can be written on this topic some day. Most people reading this will understand the pain experienced while discussing breaks. So, please understand if I don't elaborate.

But life is not interesting without the painful moments. There are many happy moments in this routine. Mumbaikars please note, night owls travel against the peak hour traffic. On the way to work, as well as on their way home. Take that, you bloody 9-5ers! They enjoy the fresh night breeze and quiet streets. They can sacrifice 2-3 hours of sleep when needed, to get something done on a weekday! Banking, documentation, picking someone from the airport, you name it! And go for their shift afterwards as per routine.

Life is different, but it is more interesting. Because these zombies are not like the so-called "normal" people, they develop a different world-view. They are less judgmental and more accepting. Biases, stereotypes, various types of differences get dissolved because they are alike in so many varied ways. They are in-tandem with current times and less willing to be tied down by traditional social expectations.
Talk to a female employee from this breed and you would know!
They are the most misunderstood breed at present. But that is what makes them special. They have exposure to a larger picture of life.
The relationships that have blossomed in these offices have better balance and less gender-defined roles. It is not at all a rosy, goody-goody picture, but it is surely better than it was over a decade ago.

Many have been through this zombification and then moved on to a life of more freedom. Left cushy jobs to follow their dreams. Used their savings to fund creative ventures and made a roaring success of it. Over a decade ago, when educated freshers were struggling to find a foothold in their career path, the BPO and IT sectors opened up opportunities. Yes, it is outsourced. Yes, the shifts are rotational with crazy week-offs. Yes, it is stressful. No, it is never going to be easy. And that is what makes the night owls stand out from the crowd! Zany, butt of jokes for their relatives and neighbours, facing prejudice from the society at large, this is the breed which is standing strong and growing.

Love us or hate us. It is impossible to ignore us.

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