Recluse

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to shut out everyone and be alone forever.

Conversing with people for daily routine is easy. Stick to the business, restrict the talk to what is required and then move on with your own business.

Socializing, on the other hand, is a complicated matter altogether. It is like quicksand. You get stuck deep into friendships, relationships, people, social situations. So deep that it seems impossible to come out of it.

Even after betrayals and heartbreaks.

Mind and heart unite to move on and find other people, other groups, more socializing, more complicated situations.

We become more cautious, less trusting. But we still want to go for that movie, eat at that restaurant, attend this party, walk along the sea-side...

And we don't want to do this alone. We want friends to share this with. A bunch of buddies to call our own. Or at least one person, to make memories with.

Moving on from group to group, buddy to buddy. Leaving behind the ones who hurt and hoping to find the ones who would value us. Trying to find at least one person who would stick around till the end.

Going from disappointment to anger to depression. Never knowing who to trust.

Losing faith in people, slowly but surely.

Wouldn't it be much better if I have to deal with people strictly for the necessities? Be nice and friendly to all but never make friends with anyone.

Alone. Safe to be alone. No fear of hurts and betrayals. No humans. No society. Just me. And my thoughts.

I sometimes really wonder, if I would be better off alone.

Away from the paranoia, not needing to belong, away from the noise. Alone.

Secluded in my cocoon.

A Recluse.