The Hamlet inside us all!

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep...

-----William Shakespear's Hamlet

We go for the movies to leave behind our realities and routine for a few hours, laugh with the characters, soar with the camera angles, flow with the music and dream impossible thoughts. But the movie ends, and life catches up. Hunger, thirst, going home, traffic, all of it encompasses our thoughts. The movie then remains just a movie. Liked, disliked, enjoyed, debated, recommended........but always.....just another movie.

Sometimes, one movie, one story, stays with us. This one stayed with me today, walked out of the theater with me, has taken deep roots in my mind.

This movie is Natsamrat. The story of a star on his decline. A celebrated stage actor who bids adieu to the stage to take a quiet retirement. But fate has other plans. Thomas Hardy would recognise this story's mood. His characters, too are mere puppets at the hands of fate.

"A resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far advanced as to make avoidance impossible."

-Thomas Hardy

There are so many ways in which this story touched my Soul. It went deep inside my being and twisted it around. My love of literature, language and drama was pampered by the sheer magnanimity of these characters. But on a deeper and personal level, the story pinched my heart and made it weep.

A person, loved by many for his talent. A celebrity. A notable name - unloved and cast out by his own family.

I know what it is to live like that. I am a common person with no celebrity but I know what it is to be the black sheep and how to learn to be proud of being one.

I know what it is to create family members out of strangers, because the ones given by Lord don't care about you.

"कुणी घर देता का, घर ?"

Nana Patekar delivers this monologue. The angst, fear, pain and tiredness of his character are real. He has reached the end of his tether and is unable to handle any more pain. His world has collapsed, his own people have betrayed him and there is nothing to live for. This is not relegated to mere physical homelessness. We take our existence so much for granted, we don't realise what it is we are living for. We all have our reasons, our families, our people who make a home. If these reasons stop existing one day, we would be homeless too. It doesn't really matter how much money you make, how big your house is and how many people know you. When you are facing the last few moments of your life, who sticks around with you? That is all that matters, eventually.

To be or not to be..... This was Hamlet's monologue. There is a Hamlet inside us all. He questions our existence and our Reason time and time again. In Shakespeare's play, Hamlet is contemplating suicide when he delivers these lines. All that he questions is still relevant today. This is what made Shakespeare immortal. His words, his thoughts and his insight into human psyche. Time has moved on, but human psyche hasn't changed much. We have the same joys, the same fears and the same insecurities even today. Nana Patekar's character has brought to life, many of these classic characters on stage, including Hamlet and King Lear. And they have lived on inside him like ghosts till the end. Constant companions, like a burning talisman, keeping him company when all else is gone.

I don't want this monologue of mine to be a spoiler. And as it is, describing how this movie affected me is not easy. You may not feel the same way. But you won't step out of the theater without being touched. When I entered I was curious. Even though Nana Patekar is a versatile actor in his own right, I knew he had stepped into big shoes with this role. Dr Shreeram Lagoo made Ganpat Belvalkar immortal on stage and recreating that magic on film was not easy, I am sure. Nana Patekar does it with aplomb.

His hospital scene with Vikram Gokhale shows the strong bonds of friendship between their characters. This is a jugalbandi without song or shayari or instruments. The symbolism of their dialogue is genius writing. On the outside, it is a scene out of Mahabharata but delve deeper into the meaning and you will know what made this play so different. After all these decades, this story is still relevant and relate-able. That is the common thread between Hamlet and Natsamrat. Both stories are timeless.

Kusumagraj - V.V Shirwadkar (वि वा शिरवाडकर) wrote the play originally and it has now been made into a film. This itself may have made many people skeptical about watching it. If you have been feeling this way, go ahead and watch it. If you can't go to the theater, buy the DVD when it releases but don't download this one on torrent. This one deserves the amount you will spend on it.

Watch it till the end credits roll, that monologue is not worth missing.

Night Owls

Nope. They don't do mornings. They are fast asleep in the morning and they wake up sometime in the afternoon and wish everybody around, a "Good Morning."

The BPO and IT sector, night shift jobbers. The night owls!

They are a breed of sleep-deprived, zombie-like creatures. They are extremely polite and well-spoken and diplomacy is their second nature. Most of them get hired mainly for their communication skills! Besides having a broad exposure to technology and international culture, this breed is urbane, smart, confident and self-assured.

When you pass a commercial sector of your city on a post-dinner drive or while returning late from work, you will see them. Outside the gates, hobnobbing over cycle-wale ki chai-biscuit-smoke.

Yeah, the resourceful Indian jugaad brains at work! Don't have enough capital to open a restaurant? Just one bicycle and excellent resources to manage snacks? Phikar nako! Take the chai, kaapi, wada-chutney-tamaatar saas, cigarettes, maachis, lighter and what-not in a biiiig bag. Put it on your bicycle and stand outside the gates of any locality with a large number of BPOs and IT companies. And voila! You have a profit-making business venture which could fund anything from monthly household expenses to funding children's education to buying a house in an impossible city to actually opening your own restaurant!

Well. it's not like these corporate offices don't invest in a simple thing like a cafeteria for their employees. There are mostly multiple cafeterias and pantries within a single organisation. But there is either no space or no permission for a smoke zone and employees walk all the way outside to smoke. At such times, it is quite a blessing for them to find the cycle-wala. At times, the night owls just want to leave their cubicles and desktops and stretch their legs. Get some fresh air and have a small breather. So, there are non-smokers too, in this crowd.

This is like a staple diet. Almost an addiction for some. Tea, coffee, smoking.

Keeping awake for the shift, they are ultimately unable to sleep at night, even on their days off work. And the day off is not necessarily a Saturday and a Sunday. It could be any day. The two work-offs might not be consecutive, it may be a Tuesday and a Friday or a Wednesday and Saturday. "Woohoo! I have a Saturday off next week. I can meet friends and maybe my siblings!" Sounds familiar? Yeah, that is a night owl.

But they have figured out ways to juggle their personal life and their crazy work schedules. Some have office-funded blackberry phones and laptops (they are expected to return these while resigning, by the way). Some rare lucky ones have the option to work from home if they can't come to the office for some reason.

Disclaimer: This doesn't apply to majority BPO employees. If they can't come to work, they get an unplanned leave. Paid. But unplanned. Affects the appraisal, this UNPLANNED! Oh yes, this is a big word.

Imagine the saas-bahu serials with a shocking scene. Someone jerks their head at the camera saying, "Kya!?" and the editor repeats it two more times in the final cut, with every person present in  the scene showing varying degrees of shock on their face. "Kya!? KYAA!!?? KYYAAA!!!??? Music - Dhadang-dhadang-dhadang!!!!!"

That is what an unplanned leave is for a BPO employee. On the day after your unplanned, half of the floor would be asking you, "unplanned maara kya?", "ab kya hoga tera?", "appraisal aa raha hai bey!" It is a paid leave, let me repeat that. But, it is unplanned! Unplanned!! UNPLANNED!!!! Dhadang-dhadang-dhadang!!!!!

Yes, they can plan their leaves, but let's not go there. Officially, these night owls are decently-paid to well-paid staff with all legal privileges (like PLs, Compensatory Offs, Work offs etc). I will leave it at that.

The other major factor in their routine is the one mentioned earlier, the BREAK! Maybe, a novel can be written on this topic some day. Most people reading this will understand the pain experienced while discussing breaks. So, please understand if I don't elaborate.

But life is not interesting without the painful moments. There are many happy moments in this routine. Mumbaikars please note, night owls travel against the peak hour traffic. On the way to work, as well as on their way home. Take that, you bloody 9-5ers! They enjoy the fresh night breeze and quiet streets. They can sacrifice 2-3 hours of sleep when needed, to get something done on a weekday! Banking, documentation, picking someone from the airport, you name it! And go for their shift afterwards as per routine.

Life is different, but it is more interesting. Because these zombies are not like the so-called "normal" people, they develop a different world-view. They are less judgmental and more accepting. Biases, stereotypes, various types of differences get dissolved because they are alike in so many varied ways. They are in-tandem with current times and less willing to be tied down by traditional social expectations.
Talk to a female employee from this breed and you would know!
They are the most misunderstood breed at present. But that is what makes them special. They have exposure to a larger picture of life.
The relationships that have blossomed in these offices have better balance and less gender-defined roles. It is not at all a rosy, goody-goody picture, but it is surely better than it was over a decade ago.

Many have been through this zombification and then moved on to a life of more freedom. Left cushy jobs to follow their dreams. Used their savings to fund creative ventures and made a roaring success of it. Over a decade ago, when educated freshers were struggling to find a foothold in their career path, the BPO and IT sectors opened up opportunities. Yes, it is outsourced. Yes, the shifts are rotational with crazy week-offs. Yes, it is stressful. No, it is never going to be easy. And that is what makes the night owls stand out from the crowd! Zany, butt of jokes for their relatives and neighbours, facing prejudice from the society at large, this is the breed which is standing strong and growing.

Love us or hate us. It is impossible to ignore us.

Good to be a loner

People sit around, chat, play, gossip.

But I sit in a corner, busy in my own world. Reading, or browsing the net for abstract things. Or just about anything other than what the larger group is doing.

I don't have anything against them. They are friends, I am usually a part of the activities, but today is not that day. It is something I do many times. Just be by myself. Enjoying my alone time. I will be with them when I want to be. And they respect this about me.

That is what friendship is about. I accept their various idiosyncrasies and they accept mine.

People are a package deal. The good, the bad, the ugly and the weird.

We automatically accept this about our friends but somehow fail to do it with relationships. The romantic partners are expected to fit the idea of perfect partner in our head. Is this what is wrong with our times? The idea is imaginary, but the person with us is real. Why do we ignore this? This is universal. And everybody is unhappy.

The person who doesn't find the perfect partner is unhappy. The person who pretends to be the idea in their partner's head is also unhappy. They have suppressed their real self to make someone happy. And it still doesn't last. It is a deception.

I stand away from the crowd and observe all the pretentions. People pretending to be model employees for that minor promotion.  Then living the rest of their life in misery.

People pretending to be always happy, and hiding their tears in the rain.

People pretending to be perfect sons and daughters and never revealing the pain of sacrifices. Always assuming that the sacrifice will be appreciated. And always being taken for granted because they are expected to be perfect. They are not allowed to fail, not allowed to make independent choices or decisions.

I see this. Everyone trying to belong. Hoping to be accepted. Conforming to expectations set by others. Ignoring the life they want. To live the life they are expected to have.

Is this the reason for so much unhappiness around us today? Is this why everyone is dissatisfied?

Why are we all running so much? What are we trying to achieve? What have we achieved so far? Are we really happy with what we have achieved? How many times have we stopped running for a minute and asked ourselves these questions?

When the running is over, am I going to be content with the life I lived? What loves, and passions, and interests have I killed to earn the things I was expected to earn?

Do I really want what I have right now?

My true nature

At times, I just find myself disinterested in the events around me. As if, it doesn't even matter what the world cares about. It doesn't matter how it affects my own life. I just want to be elsewhere. Doing something better.

Maybe just read a book. Or watch a movie. Or pass my time on the internet. Or just sleep.

Have a heart-to-heart chat with a friend. Watch the rain, sipping hot cup of tea, listening to the pitter-patter drum-roll music. Hum a melody. Sing-along to a slow, soothing rhythm.

Maybe, have a philosophical debate about things that are on a higher strata of existence. Or just brood over the intellectual scarcity in the world, in general.

Or just sit and write down my thoughts. Like I am doing now.


Today seems to be a day when my mind refuses to come down to the practical, everyday level of thought. It wants to wander into the ethereal. Wonder about Universal Truth. Dream about what could have been......
Plan for an ideal life...!

I want to focus on a future where I am not tied down to mediocrity. Where I have the freedom to live as per my own terms. Where I could rise above the mundane.
A time when there would be no worry about "bread-and-butter." When I would be free to make decisions for things that matter to me.

Where there would be no need to tolerate gossips, work politics, family mind-games, trivialities and banalities that form the crux of most human lives

To see a day when I would be completely rid of all ridiculous bonds. Living a fuller, more meaningful life. Where I wouldn't be forced to stoke empty egos and indulge in futile diplomacy. To speak my mind and walk away when I want to.

Freedom to breathe fresh air. Move away from the air-conditioned confines of a corporate desk-job.

Freedom from unnecessary complications.
Freedom to choose.

Just be.
Myself.

Free.

Music is Magic

Music.

Sometimes, it tip toes through the daisies, whooshes like a wing, scurries away like a bunny. Like mild night sounds, helping you relax and go in a deep sleep.

At times, it is a soft breeze on the face, waking you like the mild warmth of the morning Sun. Slowly spreading over the entire being. Touching the Soul. Full of a new day's hope.

Music that lifts you and makes you soar into the clouds. Creates a land of make believe. Full of positive thoughts, assurance of success. Lifts your spirits and makes you go out there and go behind all those dreams. Make them come true.

It bounces your feet up and down in a celestial dance. When mind, body, soul are united in rhythm. No reason, no occasion, no celebration. Just the pure joy of being alive and the happiness of the melody.

The raga and taal of Indian classical. The crescendo of an orchestral harmony. The soothing melody of a ghazal. The eccentricity and pure rebellion of electronic dance.

Music. Food for the Soul.
Wings for the Mind.
Therapy. Healing. Joy.

Kaleidoscope of memories. Rainbow of dreams. Bridge between hearts. Music is the Magic that lives on.

Annoyed

Call me old fashioned.

I belong to the school of thought, which respects people who have made great contributions to building a Nation. And continue to respect them after their death, too.

The internet invasion, though, has spawned a new breed of humans called "arm-chair experts". They get all their so-called information from search engines and conspiracy theories. Worst part is, their articles get paid just for a click. So, they just need to give it a really eye-catching title (controversial opinions are most welcome) and people are bound to click it. Even if you find out that the article itself is just propaganda and choose not to share it, the writer still earns from it. Just because it got a click! Someone read it.

So, now there is a spate of these on social networking, internet and on sundry search engines. A plane goes missing, open the most popular search engine, hunt down a few rubbish theories, make your own consolidated article, publish. And voila! Traffic!

Somebody who was well respected all over the world, made such precious contributions to a country, put in tremendous efforts towards education and earned love and respect everywhere. He suddenly dies. The world mourns. But the internet experts dig out crap and post-humously try to defame this leader. Where were you when he was alive and well? If your research is so accurate, why didn't you file a PIL? Why write defaming rubbish after they are dead?

On one hand we have these who tear apart a beautiful life and recreate a macabre picture in front of the world. On the other, we have common people like you and me, making a "hero" out of a convicted terrorist!

What the f*** is wrong with this generation?

When did we become so self-obsessed, selfish and unconcerned? The general apathy is disgusting. Nobody cares. All everyone around us is concerned about is their own life.

My house, my family, my monthly budget, my interests, my likes, my dislikes!

How about - my city, my country, my government, the scams done by my country's citizens, the lack of awareness in my life, my tax payments misused and abused all the time!

When will we become more aware? There are rampant crimes happening in broad daylight! And what do we get busy with?
Moral policing, ban on stupid things, judging people by their clothes, their background, their education, their class and caste and skin colour!

Our politicians don't remember a person for what he did in his life. After his death, they denounce him from his religion because he read religious books of others. They don't have respect for a woman who made her way into the parliament by sheer hard work and her wonderful capabilities. They first attack her qualification and when that doesn't work, they call her a waitress.

The Prime Minister of our country comes from a humble background. Did that stop him from reaching where he is today?

Now my concern is you guys who are reading this. What do you really care about? Don't you care about your surroundings? These events are happening right around you? How can you not care? How can you let people get away with bullshit! Stop sharing rubbish. Be aware. Be responsible.

Don't become part of the negativity. We already have too much of it. Spread awareness, spread truth, spread happiness. Be a better person. It doesn't really take much effort.

Noise

I drift. Like a wind-blown leaf. Watching the world pass with its daily mundane activities.

Laughter, tears, anguish, celebrations, mourning.....

Every person. Running to reach somewhere. Restless. Impatient. Unbent. Relentless

Sometimes I too, get swept along in the mad rush. Then detach again. Watching. Just watching. Observing.

There are billions of worlds. Each person's own little world. All smug in their own self-importance. Oblivious to the reality. Unconcerned about their littleness.

Every day. All day. Noon and night. Living, breathing.

And I then try to shut out the noise.

Focus on the joy.

The sparrows chirping and hopping around. The crow at someone's window, demanding his lunch. Pigeons, with their annoying mocking sounds, strutting about the sill. A cat stretched out in a patch of sunlight. A kitten frisking nearby, with a serious case of ADHD! Dogs chasing bikes, greeting friends (human as well as dog-kind).
Green grass in the garden. Rain and its pitter-patter tattoo on the roof. A good book and a hot cup of strong coffee. Watching my movie collection on the laptop.
The green hill slopes and small lakes, seen from a bus window. Turning off the noise of fellow travelers and turning on some good trance music in my ears. Observing people outside my bus, people in vehicles, people on the road, people outside their houses. Watching  a small minute of their day as I pass by.

Shut out the noise. Just me, my thoughts. My eyes look but my mind is not involved with what the eyes see.

Peaceful. Tranquil. Beautiful. Each day begins like this. Even if it doesn't, I make sure I turn it around.

The personal worlds of each person don't care about my existence. Their noise is their own to handle.

I have my peace to maintain. I don't need a holy book, a deity or an idol to find peace. God shows Himself around me everywhere. In all the things that give me happiness. In the small creatures going about their day, chirping, woofing, meowing, scurrying and digging. In the hawk that swoops and glides above all the chaos. In the various shades of green and blue and purple and red of Nature. In the music that uplifts the Soul and frees the mind.

That is my peace, my joy. That is where you will always find me. Away from all the noise. Detached. Tranquil. Free.