10 June 2019

Party Invitation

The world is happy
All beings are invited

Nature's joyful party
Has started in full swing.

Thunder is killing it
With reverberation of its percussion

Lightning's viscous dance
Charges through divinity

Leaves sway, palms headbang
Grass is bee-bopping

It's a rain dance
Clouds came with ample supply.

Springs tinkle and tattle
Waterfalls resonate their bass

Frogs are in full treble
Birds chirping their plaint

Pitter patter of tiny feet
Little critters dancing, jumping

Wolves provide a haunting track
Lending their voices in synchronicity

Wonder what the silences
Underneath the ocean sing

The music is divine
Among the bamboos
Mysterious, ethereal
Blending smoothly
In the background

Winds whoosh
The breeze swishes

Join the watch, humans
Dance along, be merry

Such music is unique
To this beautiful blue planet

Such a party doesn't happen elsewhere

Oh to be alive here!
To be witness to life's small mercies

The petrichor emanating
From the Earth
Winds super charged with
Energy and happiness

All beings dancing and drenched.
This medley of sights and sounds.

Join in, dear heart
The universe calls
All beings are invited
To the ethereal dance party.

26 May 2019

Acceptance

Darkness is not always negative. It could be an escape, a hiding spot.

Wisdom lies in not letting the darkness take over. Let the light inside the Soul always shine bright. Accept the darkness for what it is, but know that it always leads back to light.

When it is time to come out of this dark, brooding hibernation, hope comes rushing back inside.
I imagine a world around me, which is an empty canvas. My imagination is a paintbrush, painting a rainbow of colours which are brand new.

My heart is full of stories, untold. My ears full of music, unsung. My feet move with a dance, unseen.
Soaring high above the mundane, marking out new horizons, charting out new destinations.
Introspection is over. Now it is the time for action.

It is ok if my goals got destroyed. No point in crying over spilt milk. Time to set new goals, and tell no one.

There are no dreams anymore. Dreams are now goals to be achieved. I no longer consider them separate entities. I want it all and get it I shall!

It isn't easy to be in a dark place. It isn't difficult to get out too, when you have people to pull you out. When all you have to do is accept the darkness.

Acknowledge its existence. Don't fight it like an enemy. Reason with it instead, and it stays hidden. Don't let the lights go out.

23 April 2019

Gypsy

I am a nomad.

This chase just never ends. Seemingly, things always fall into place. It is just phases which pass. Paths which wind and unwind.

But it is never enough.

There is not a single moment with absolute peace. Never a moment without doubts, anxieties, insecurities,..

It just never ends.

Something is always missing. The blessings fall just short of total happiness.

It just never ends.

Being happy and grateful in what is given. Never expecting anything more. Always falling short of something.

Always expected to stay within means of what is, and not go after what "might have been."

This chase never ends.

The hope never dies.

The dreams never cease to exist.

The longing stays. The heart refuses to give up. It burns, rises, burns, and rises. The Life never goes out.

It just is, never enough.

This nomad, never settles. Always looking ahead. Always hunting, for that idyll. Always determined to reach that evasive destination.

That hearth which would be Complete. Where nothing falls short. Where there is absolute peace. Where I truly belong.

This nomad, keeps trudging along. Leaving behind hopelessness, disappointments, compromises, pain, insecurities,..

This nomad will only settle for the unattainable.

My heart, my gypsy, oh my Fool! It just never ends, does it!

26 March 2019

Survivor's guilt

Life and death are natural parts of all lifeforms on this beautiful blue planet. It is part of existence. Circle of Life.

We are raised with this understanding. It helps to cope up with loss. Keep us going on in the same world where our loved ones no longer walk.

Life surrounds us. Noise, music, chatter, laughter. Sobs, tears, agony, anger, fights. Growing up, chasing happiness, running away from fears, accepting defeats, learning lessons, mentoring the young, looking forward to always having a Home to go back to in the evening.

Bittersweet picture. Such is Life.

Death though, sometimes leaves us totally shattered.

Suicide.

Someone ended their life. What happens to the ones they left behind? Do they really survive?

I have been largely silent about this since the age of 13. It has to be said finally. Out loud. I will always and forever exist with a survivor's guilt.

I don't judge people. A very young life has shown me some gloomy scenes and I won't ever blame someone for wanting to end their life. Only that person knows what they were going through. Only they know why it was time to go. So, I will not talk about right and wrong, moral and otherwise. I don't like these words anyway.

Are you a survivor? Did you lose someone to a suicide? Do you live daily with a sense of responsibility for that act? Even though you didn't really cause it? Are you guilty in your own court?

We all have these courts in our minds. Not for other people, but for ourselves. It is here that we analyse and over analyse, argue and counter-argue. We pass judgements on our self to either exonerate or punish.

What does this court say? Guilty, your honour!

Yes, I have loved and lost. Holi just passed, and these memories came flooding, rushing back. Guilty, my dear Lord in heaven. Guilty of being helpless.

All I can do now is pray. Pray that you find peace. Pray that you forgive us all. I always wanted you to be happy. I pray that you will forgive me. I know you only wanted to be happy.

The winds continue their course, the rivers still merge into the sea, the sea still has its ebb and flow, the sun still rises and sets, the moon still waxes and wanes. The birds still chirp. Life moves on.

The part of my existence which knew you, will never be whole again. We all will have that part missing. We may laugh, love, hope, and dream. But forget we never will.

We are all guilty. Guilty survivors. Guilty of watching a life end in such a short span.

Guilty till the last day of our existence, on this beautiful blue planet.

25 March 2019

Disappointments

Sea

Slippery sands, lilting waves
Salty breeze

Rushing, gushing
Retreating, pushing ahead

Scorching afternoon sun
Waves dancing
With crowns of fire

Pristine serenity
Despite so much turmoil

Just like my Heart
Outwardly peaceful
Despite all the turmoil

The muggy winds
Brushing and lifting my hair
Caressing with love
Putting pain away

Can I stay here forever?

Watch the sun
Set
Watch the moon
Rise

Sounds of the ocean
Sounds of ethereal music

Washing away realities
Taking away disappointments

Let me be here forever

Watch the cosmic dance
Moved by the symphony
Rising crescendo
Ebbing and flowing

With the sea

Forget that I exist
For a while

Forget
Daily rigmarole
For just a little while more

Sands of Time
Slipping away
From beneath my feet

Losing control
Life is just like these free winds

Fate no longer
Bending to my will

Cornered
Over and over again

Fighting back
Befriending my demons

To do it
Over and over again

These bones are
Now tired

This mind
Looking for rest

This heart
Burnt to ashes

I spread these
Over the angry waves

Take away this existence
Bring forth a new one

Just like the sun sets over the horizon
And rises again like a phoenix

Let me rise too
Let me be new

Give me that glimmer of hope
Give me a sign
Give me a reason

As I take a dip
In these warm waters

Wash away the exhaustion
Of my Soul

As I immerse myself in faith
Tell me, my belief is true

Free my shackles
Give me wings

Let me fly
On the winds of Time

Lift me up
I can fight no more

Accept my surrender
My strength is depleted

Arms are weary
Weapons are exhausted
Here I stand defeated
My ego forfeited

Let's end this battle
Let's wave the white flag of peace

I have been humbled
Life has won over

Let me stay here now

By the Sea.

05 December 2018

On Borrowed Time

Time and tide wait for nobody.

Yes! Very clichéd, hackneyed. I know!

But truth. Undisputed truth. Time never waits for anyone. What is once lost is lost forever.

There is, however, an exception. Life does let you borrow some Time. Without us asking for it, expecting it or hoping for it. Life is unpredictable and this is one of its many unpredictable blessings.

Borrowed time.

How will you spend it?

What are you planning to do with these few moments?

Let me speak for myself!

I want to spend every waking moment of my borrowed time with my people. Family, friends, fellow humans who matter to me. I want to give them these last few hours of happiness and hope. The last good things that they will remember me by.

I want to make memories. I want to get drunk. On Life, Dreams, Hope and Miracles; till all of these things cease to matter.

I want you to be a part of these memories. Integral and imperative. I want US to be the moment rather than us living a moment.

My breath here is limited. My time here is short.

I'm a beggar, living on borrowed alms. Existence has condescended with this blessing, and I need to make the most of it.

Let me fly on the wings of birds, let me jump with kittens, let me sing with the sea and, bask in the sun.

You will still be around when I am no longer thought of. Let me make this moment shine for you, never allowing you to forget.

Let me be myself for now. Tomorrow I might not be awake.

I'm here on borrowed Time.

Allow me to be mad. Allow me to be silly. Allow me to be ME.

31 July 2018

Pedestal

This world is like a highway. Scurrying at top speed to reach somewhere. Most people don't even know where they are headed.

It's heady, dizzying, manic. I sometimes take a break.

Put myself above it all.

Observe the world going by like an observer. Like I don't belong.

Detach.

Look. Don't react.

Fleeting moments, people, conversations will spark memories. Memories, come and go. Pull the Heart down. But the Soul remains unaffected. It just is.

Sometimes, grief reaches a point beyond return. It spirals downwards into an abyss of remembering. Memory lane is not all it is touted to be. It opens wounds and pain gushes out in torrents.

This human existence, though thought to be a passing thought in the greater Universe, is a painful existence. We are ruled by emotions. Emotions are temperamental creatures. Taming them is all we do, all our life, and thus exist.

Music is the best remedy. Nature created music. Humans made it evolve into soul stirring sound bites. It brings back half forgotten incidents and people. It makes you smile, cry, laugh, dance and groove.

Music heals open wounds.

Music helps in going on the pedestal and standing there. Observing myself, my surroundings, people, randomness.

There was a time when I wanted my life to  be filled with adventures and excitement. When Life really happened I realised the worth of the Mundane.

Aren't we all the same?

We go about our daily routine, never second guessing the ingrained habits. Only when we are challenged to move out of this comfort zone, we all become "doubting thomases".

We crave freedom from our shackles when we are going about the expected rigmarole. We don't even realise that our reality has already become our cocoon. When we break out of this cocoon and our ideal life smiles down and greets us, we are scared.

We scurry back trying to get back into the cocoon. It is already broken. We try to build another cocoon. We try to stay hidden. We want to actually remain ambiguous, mundane and mediocre.

Why else, are we always running away from our fantasies? Why are we so scared that they will come true?

Is it because these dreams are our only escape from reality? If they truly come true, we won't have anything to escape from? What are we escaping from anyway? Why are we always trying to run away?

Why are we always running, actually? Where are we going?

Have you ever thought about it?

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