21 July 2015

Noise





I drift. Like a wind-blown leaf. Watching the world pass with its daily mundane activities.
Laughter, tears, anguish, celebrations, mourning.....



Every person. Running to reach somewhere. Restless. Impatient. Unbent. Relentless
Sometimes I too, get swept along in the mad rush. Then detach again. Watching. Just watching. Observing.

There are billions of worlds. Each person's own little world. All smug in their own self-importance. Oblivious to the reality. Unconcerned about their littleness.
Every day. All day. Noon and night. Living, breathing.





And I then try to shut out the noise.

Focus on the joy.
The sparrows chirping and hopping around. The crow at someone's window, demanding his lunch. Pigeons, with their annoying mocking sounds, strutting about the sill. A cat stretched out in a patch of sunlight. A kitten frisking nearby, with a serious case of ADHD! Dogs chasing bikes, greeting friends (human as well as dog-kind).
Green grass in the garden. Rain and its pitter-patter tattoo on the roof. A good book and a hot cup of strong coffee. Watching my movie collection on the laptop.
The green hill slopes and small lakes, seen from a bus window. Turning off the noise of fellow travelers and turning on some good trance music in my ears. Observing people outside my bus, people in vehicles, people on the road, people outside their houses. Watching  a small minute of their day as I pass by.

Shut out the noise. Just me, my thoughts. My eyes look but my mind is not involved with what the eyes see.
Peaceful. Tranquil. Beautiful. Each day begins like this. Even if it doesn't, I make sure I turn it around.

The personal worlds of each person don't care about my existence. Their noise is their own to handle.

I have my peace to maintain. I don't need a holy book, a deity or an idol to find peace. God shows Himself around me everywhere. In all the things that give me happiness. In the small creatures going about their day, chirping, woofing, meowing, scurrying and digging. In the hawk that swoops and glides above all the chaos. In the various shades of green and blue and purple and red of Nature. In the music that uplifts the Soul and frees the mind.

That is my peace, my joy. That is where you will always find me. Away from all the noise. Detached. Tranquil. Free.

15 February 2015

Bird’s eye view


I take off on a flight of fancy. Imagine myself detached from the routine. Look at life like an observer rather than a player. Observe myself being the player. The set, the characters, the story, the music…….all playing it out like a film. Like flying in the sky, far away from the events. But still observing all the events as they unfold. In my own life.

Breaking away all the bonds that tie me to my life.


......being on the road at night. Rubies of tail-lights shining ahead of me. Diamonds of head-lights approaching from the right. All these vehicles moving between the vigilant eyes of three rows of street-lights. When I reach the top of a fly-over, the sight of an entire road full of rubies and diamonds stretched out till the horizon, climbing on the next fly-over.

......the various soft toys arrayed in the back windows of so many cars. Sometimes a kid on the back seat, looking out of the window and giving a shy smile, or making a funny face, or frowning for no reason. Sometimes, a pet dog looking straight at me and staring as if it has known me all my life.

 
......a bike ride to nowhere. Scenes, houses, meadows, hills, people, buildings, colours, sounds and noise………
All part of just a passing moment of my life. I move ahead and they cease to exist for me. Get replaced by something else, which too passes in a moment. But each moment carving out it’s own chapter in someone’s life as I breeze past and become part of the background for them.



And I keep soaring. Now touching the sky, now skimming over the road. Fleeting feelings, which sometimes brush past my heart, sometimes cause pain, sometimes stay with me forever no matter where I go.

I have left so much behind me. I have come so far ahead. There is nothing but the wide, infinite spread of the sea and the sky, the sound of gulls, the swish and splash of the waves, the salty tang in the air and complete peace in my heart.

Like I have reached the end of my journey. This is where I always wanted to be. Nobody to be seen. Just me and the sea and the sky. And my Almighty, deep within my heart.

I wish I could stay here forever. Where nothing and nobody reaches me. No people to judge me, nobody to cause any pain, no expectations to meet, no restrictions of time and tide and no society trying to make me their own.



But I always need to turn back. Go back to the old grind.





I wish I could stay here forever. Where the sea meets the sky and there is nobody in sight. Where the whole world is behind me and I have left all behind. This is where I belong. This is who I am. This is where I am accepted as who I am. This is where I needed to be all along.

19 January 2015

The Critic

Of all the various talents bandied about town, the most subtle is criticism. Oh yes, it's a talent! After all, giving an opinion which nobody has asked for and making sure that it is not only heard but also, at times acted upon, got to be appreciated!

When a kid, with eyes full of dreams and positive plans for the future, proudly tells their parents what subjects they want to pursue in college.....give me one example where there has been immediate and total acceptance of his/her dream/goal/ambition. Can't think of any, can you?

When you chose to work at your current job/position, how many supporters did you get?
"I still think you should have been more persistent with the HR of XYZ" (Well, I gave the interview and I know they didn't select me. If you are so confident, why don't you try there?)
"Wait for some more time, keep trying at other places, you will get a better package" (And you will be paying for my household expenses in the meantime, I presume?)

No matter where you go, weddings, funerals, parties, just commuting.....they are all around you. From telling you exactly how to stand in a crowded Mumbai local train to telling you how your deceased uncle could have survived a few more years, if he had followed their advice.....they have it all sorted in their arm-chair philosophy.

How do you distinguish between someone who genuinely wants to help and The Critic. Well, it's simple. A person who wants your well-being to be prioritised, will provide sound advice, many times agreeing with your decisions and providing sensible and practical thoughts.


The Critic will be just that. Criticising everything and everyone on a wholesale. They are highly opinionated and they want to express their tupenny-worth ideas irrespective of whether anybody is listening or is interested. They will sneak-up on you when you least expect and will not leave you till they had their say about --> what you are doing at that time --> why it is wrong--> how it should be actually done--> how someone else who followed this advice is now extremely rich and successful--> how someone else who did not follow their advice is totally ruined in life.

Did an image just pop-up in your head about someone you know? Aah, now you get it! See? That is The Critic.

So, how do you deal with them. Haha. You can't deal with them! When you see them, you gather all your things and run!
If you can't run, then you listen to every single thing they say.....and do the exact opposite! And watch the fun.



The Critic gave a friend quite an earful for the choice of wall-colour and told them to paint their walls pale yellow. The friend painted them pale green instead, plus added a single wall full of rich, velvety red paper with exotic self-design. They got compliments from all and The Critic went green with envy. Maybe The Critic is now telling you how my friend's wallpapered house has seepage and has ruined everything inside and out!

The Critic told me to wear a golden anarkali to my cousin's wedding and offered to lend me their own. I politely refused and wore a midnight blue lehenga. Well, I heard they were talking about why I will never receive any marriage proposals my whole life and how many "boys" have rejected me!

They are among us. They exist and carry on with their talents. You can't always escape them, but you have to learn survival skills. You may banish some known Critics from your invitation list, but someone you invited might turn out to be a newly-born Critic. You just learn to recognise one and stay alert to deal with them.

The Critic should always be treated with caution and the correct dosage of disdain.
Let them be themselves, leave them alone. And never criticise a Critic! Let them talk and rant. You are under no obligation to do what they say. Just don't tell them that. Doing things your way is enough to put them off and look for another prey.

So beware! They are on the prowl. You could be next!


18 January 2015

Midnight snack + movie + romantic jazz = lazy weekend

The problem with working night shifts is, you are perpetually confused on weekends. Should I sleep the whole day off and stay awake at night? Or should I utilise the day to complete pending work from the week and sleep at night? But then if I sleep on Saturday and Sunday night, I won't get sleep on Monday morning. I will be awake all day and in the evening I gotta work!


I won't talk about the solution. I have given up finding one just because it's the same story every weekend.


I just follow my whims, basically.

So, today I read a book. Mystery thriller. I love those. Then had dinner while still reading it. Kept reading it till late in the night. By the time I got bored of reading more, I was hungry.

So out comes a piece of cheese, a big helping of flavoured cheese-spread (yeah, I love eating all the yummy things) and a large bunch of grapes. It has to have the accompaniment of a nice movie. I decided on Gosford Park.

Story based in early 1930s, old English countryside, large mansion, too many servants, titled people.....the whole nine yards. Well, this is not a review for the movie. I am just a sucker for all the British-landed-gentry-melodrama stories. I love watching Downton Abbey.

I get totally lost in these period dramas. The life seems so totally removed from reality. These people are always getting dressed to the nines, looking pretty, hosting dinners and hunting parties and soirees and never have to do a single day's hard work. They have a posse of servants working for them! Imagine someone hovering over you, helping you wear your clothes and accessories and then end of the day, hovering over you, helping you undress!! Creepy!

Yeah well, each to his (or her) own. Can't deny that the movie had lovely music. I especially got thoroughly lost in the melody of  "The Land of Might-Have-Been" – Ivor Novello (Sung by Jeremy Northam). It plays twice, once during the movie and again during the end titles.

Beautiful, soulful.........this song took me back to sunlit summer afternoons, laidback days, daydreaming and lounging. With nothing to worry about. No responsibilities. Life, when it used to be brimful of promise and everything was right with my world. And I am still lost in that world of dreams.


"We shall never find that lovely land of Might-have-been;
I can never be your king, nor you can be my Queen;
Days may pass, and years may pass,
And seas may lie between;
We shall never find that lovely land of Might-have-been."

--------------By Ivor Novello, 1924

----Courtesy - https://chandlerozconsultants.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/the-land-of-might-have-been-britain-1936-37-chapter-one-the-road-to-the-berlin-olympiad/

09 January 2015

A series of unfortunate incidents

I had a minor setback today. Needed to wait back at work extra for an activity. Then while leaving, got to know that there is a major traffic jam on my regular route. So we decided to take another route home. Got a flat tyre on the way. Finally we are on our way home again.
This made me analyse the changes that have taken place in me. A few years ago, I would have been extremely angry and short with everyone in the same situation. Today, I am calm and just focussed on the resolution.
Maybe, it is just experiencing life in general. Maybe, it was some effort I put to control my short tempered nature over the years. Maybe, it is just a natural change with changing times.
It is a good change and made me think over my whole day today. I faced a disappointment personally which had completely spoilt my mood. I was upset, lost in my thoughts, irritable and waiting for the day to get over.
Then towards the end, these above things happened. But they didn't affect me more. I stayed normal and took it in my stride.
I guess I must just focus on the good parts of the bad events daily and not just on a day when I am happy. Unfortunate things will keep happening. Life will continue to throw surprises. Not all of them would be welcome from my standpoint. But why waste time, energy and my positivity for these little everyday things?
This is routine. Shit happens. You move on. I should keep telling myself this daily for now. Maybe, this is also something I will soon naturalise.
Emotions are energy. What happens with me, what people say or do around me is all energy. I am attracting these things towards myself. And I know this. So, let's stay focussed on being positive. Spread cheer and it will come back. Who wants to be surrounded by gloomy darkness, anyway!

06 November 2014

Detachment

The ebb and flow of life goes on endless and we are mute witnesses. Caught up in the daily grind of ambition, greed, love, sorrow, humour..........we forget to stop. We are so used to running, always trying to reach somewhere, that we never enjoy the present moment.

When you stopped at the signal today, did you notice the slum children playing within their fragile, insecure compound walls (at most times, no walls dividing their shanties from the street)? They are oblivious to the honking, screaming, abuses, petrol fumes and dust and pollution. Do you ever wish to live a few moments like that?

When you are going in and out of your society or just having a stroll on the lawns, have you observed your neighbour's children in the play area? According to the urban, civilised and educated thinking, this is the ideal play atmosphere, isn't it? Did your mind go back to those slum children?

Ideal or not, these kids have created their own world. They are unaware of the society's rules of wrong, right, just and unjust. They are living just this moment.

Do you really talk to your neighbours? Do you know who stays next to you? When you see that young couple, busy with work but going out on weekends, spending quality time together, laughing with their little kid, do you feel happy? Or do you remember all the various break-up stories and divorces you witnessed within your family and friends' circles?

How do you perceive the mundane scenes presented to you by the Universe? Have you even given it a thought?

Do you bother to question the reality around you? Are you aware of the wide Universe spread across existence? Are you concerned about the people around you?



There is this one chance at living that we all have.

Say hello to people you meet daily. It is not a big effort.

Maintain those hobbies. Don't sacrifice them for all those so called noble reasons. Keep the music of your life alive. Attachments are all good, but not to such an extent that you stop living.

Go out with your buddies. Go to crazy places. Have a crazy time. Now is the time to do this. Would you have the capacity for adventures when you have accumulated a lot of money and retirement has given you free time?

We have this mad perception that extra work hours spell hard work and loyalty. NONSENSE!
First of all, if you are doing overtime daily, you are insulting your colleagues who finish their work during regular office hours and go home to provide time to their families. Secondly, you are neglecting yourself and your loved ones.
Finish your work within the regular work hours. Stop encouraging the robotic, zombified, workaholic culture which is being worshiped these days.

Take some pride in yourself. Your surroundings. Your city. Your Nation. Your culture. Stop being so critical about everything. Be compassionate. Be positive. Every culture has it's quirks, but that makes us unique from the rest. Learn to be proud of your roots.

Strive to make a difference. Become aware and create awareness. We all take care of our private lives and responsibilities. That doesn't mean we should stop bothering about our surroundings.

Learn to detach yourself from personal duties. Your Soul is not made to entangle itself in this mirage of life. This is a temporary phase and your Soul has to move on to higher planes of existence. Why punish yourself by getting deeply involved with all the sorrows and fatigue?
Do your duties, but learn detachment. Live, laugh, enjoy but stay detached.



Yes, we all are breathing. We exist. But we should learn to live. Life is about being one with this Universe. Being aware of a higher purpose.

Life is meant to be lived. Fully. Selflessly. Happily.



05 November 2014

Reflections of a sick leave

So, you are unwell since a couple of days. You are on sick leave. You are resting, as the doctor ordered you to stay at home. But the mind doesn't want to rest. It keeps going on free-flight, either worrying about personal things or about work issues.

Best thing to do. Distract yourself.

I have been watching some TV series on you tube. Some movies, English and Hindi. Listening to some music. And sleeping a lot.

This particular sickness has given me a lot to think. I am brooding, planning, re-considering a lot of decisions. My phone has been beeping with various types of messages (text, email, whatsapp etc) and I am not bothered enough to get up and check who is trying to contact me. This solitary reflection is more important.

So, when you analyse and reflect on the current situation of your life, your future goals, how much has been achieved (or discarded) as per previous plans - basically take a critical view of your current life - are you really happy?

I don't think anybody is completely happy with their achievements at all times. I am not. But I am still satisfied with my current life. Up-to a large extent. There is a lot more to be done. The journey is not over yet. There is a long way to go.

Overall, it is a gloomy evening today. Time to self analyse, criticize and plan ahead. No, this is not a happy prospect. Today, the mind wants to wander into practicalities and not dreams. So be it.


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